goo.gl/0AXRKU What's it like to be jilted? Thrown over for a new love when you've placed your full trust in your betrothed?
Trust. It's the first thing that goes. That's the dirty little secret of divorce. Conventional wisdom is you split the assets and go on with your life, especially if there are no assets, and no children. But you stood up in front of friends and family and now it's over? Marriage is about commitment. It trumps money and sex and all those things people look for. Enduring relationships are about character first and foremost, how people were raised, what they believe in. Want to know how it'll turn out with you two? Look into their past. And no matter what they tell you, that doesn't mean this time it will be different.
As for what people tell you...
Not everyone is a manipulator, not everyone is a sociopath. And to prevent a life alone, one of constant suspicion, we believe, we give people the benefit of the doubt. But some don't deserve it.
And then there are those caught in the web who deny it and turn it upon you. When confronted with truth they explain it just a little bit differently. Blame you for the result. And you want to believe them, you don't want to think anybody's that evil. But some are.
"The Girl On The Train" is not the new "Gone Girl." Read it if you haven't, "Gone Girl" that is. The movie doesn't capture it. It's too Fincher slick, too perfect. Whereas the book starts off totally two-dimensional and then you're caught in an unforeseen maelstrom. The device is mindblowing. I don't know how Gillian Flynn follows it up. Kind of like Radiohead's "In Rainbows," you do the trick once and you can never do it again.
But "Gone Girl" is about the trick.
There's no trick in "The Girl On The Train." On one hand it's a relatively pedestrian mystery/thriller. You're reading along wondering whodunit. And you're not glued to the page, but it is hard to put down, you do want to know who was responsible, how it happened. But it's not a revelation that knocks you back, it's foreshadowed a bit, not a complete left turn, as it is in so many genre books. So ultimately what makes the book a good read is the underlying issues, the ones delineated above.
Life is hard. Even if you have a roof over your head. We're all struggling and we all feel alone. In this can-do society you don't want to be seen as a can-not, but life is a maze with too many walls and too much wasted time. And no one likes to backtrack.
Substance abuse. Ever look at the underling pain? Not only physical, but emotional? Especially in men, who won't admit their problems or seek help. They just try to power through, as they fall deeper down a well they may never climb out of.
Love. One of the characters in the book says there's no such thing as a soulmate, and I believe that, despite the acclamations of adoration and satisfaction by so many, some of whom are lying outright, others who are purely delusional. You've got to stand your ground to have a good relationship, not all of the time, but some of the time.
Money. Everybody wants more. For the freedom it allows, the room to move, even if you never do, it's all about the possibilities, without them you're mentally doomed.
"The Girl On The Train" has been out for eighteen months. It's still in the top ten. I wish it were better, but in a world of so much mediocrity and self-promotion we're in search of a bit of truth and community. And there's truth in this book and community in having read it.
I tried three times before I dove in again yesterday. I wanted to finish it before the movie.
And now I know the movie will miss the essence. Because what is said cannot be conveyed on screen, it's something in your mind, that only the written word can provide a reasonable facsimile of.
We live in an era of blockbusters. And those of us who were around before the internet overwhelmed us with possibilities shy away from the toppermost. We figure there must be something wrong with something that everybody else pays attention to.
But after reading too many books that missed the mark, like the sadly overrated "Girls," I decided to go where everybody else did.
And I don't care who did it.
But the makeup of the person who did. How that person ruined the lives of more than his victim.
That's sticking with me.
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