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Theranos Founder Finally Gets Her Due With 11-Year Sentence

By Noah Kirsch

Elizabeth Holmes was found guilty earlier this year over her role in a massive fraud at the blood-testing startup.

Putin’s Hunky-Dory Act Flops as Frantic Russians Flee Crimea

By Shannon Vavra

Moscow is desperately trying to signal that Crimea will remain under Russian control after a slew of recent retreats in Ukraine. But some aren’t buying it.

War Crimes Prosecutor Will Decide Whether Trump Gets Charged

By Jose Pagliery, Justin Rohrlich

Now that Trump has announced a third run for president, Garland said appointing Jack Smith was the right thing to do.

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‘The Great British Baking Show’ Needs to Fire Matt Lucas

By Fletcher Peters

Now that the new season of our beloved series crowned its winner, it’s time to be blunt: Host Matt Lucas has nearly ruined the series for years now. Why is he being kept around?

Ousted Chief in Flint Fire Scandal Accuses Mayor of Cover-Up

By Eileen Grench

He accused two white firefighters of lying about the deaths of two Black boys. Then the Democrat running for re-election got involved.

Elizabeth Holmes Should Have Faced a Life Sentence

By Mitchell Epner

The Theranos fraudster got 11.25 years for her crimes. It’s another example of white collar criminals being sentenced far below federal sentencing guidelines.

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The ‘Enchanted’ Sequel Stinks (Amy Adams Is Still Flawless)

By Fletcher Peters

It goes without saying that Adams deserves an Oscar nomination for reviving her perfect performance as Giselle in “Disenchanted.” If only anything else about the sequel was good.

Musk Demands Sit-Down With Engineers Amid New Twitter Chaos

By Justin Rohrlich

In an email, the mercurial Twitter czar ordered engineers fly to San Francisco to present their “most salient lines of code.”

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This Robot Floats Like a Butterfly to Swim Through the Sea

By Tony Ho Tran

Michael Phelps, eat your heart out.

Taylor Swift Says Ticketmaster Mess Has Been ‘Excruciating’

By Helen Holmes

“And to those who didn't get tickets, all I can say is that my hope is to provide more opportunities for us to all get together and sing these songs,” Swift wrote in a statement.

‘Christmas Story’ Sequel Shoots Your Eye Out With Nostalgia

By Coleman Spilde

The sequel to the 1983 holiday classic is a completely unnecessary retread of the original—until its reminder of the tinsel-covered weight of our own mortality makes you sob.

Coroner Says Slain Idaho Students Were Slaughtered in Bed

By Josh Fiallo

It’s also “likely” that the four students were asleep when they were ambushed by their unknown killer, said Latah County Coroner Cathy Mabbutt.

Qatar World Cup Adds Last-Minute Beer Ban to Outrage List

By Dan Ladden-Hall

“Well, this is awkward,” FIFA megasponsor Budweiser tweeted.

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