Thirty years of 'Finding My Voice'

"Finding My Voice" by Marie Myung-Ok Lee

“Finding My Voice” by Marie Myung-Ok Lee was the first book I’ve ever read that had a Korean American protagonist. I was in seventh grade in 2005 when I stumbled across the picture of an Asian American teenage girl on the cover. Immediately, there was a fire that lit within me to try and find other books like it.

Thirty years after its initial publication in 1992, I have the immense privilege to write about that same book and share it with MPR listeners. I also interviewed the Hibbing native who crafted a story that painfully reminded me why books like “Finding My Voice” are necessary and sorely needed in the growing canon of works written by Asian American authors.

The story centers on Ellen Sung, a Korean American high school senior who grows up in rural northern Minnesota. Ellen has two worlds she’s trying to navigate: Being the ideal Korean daughter who makes the sacrifices of her immigrant parents worthwhile by attending the prestigious Harvard University to become a doctor. At school, Ellen is a gymnast who wants to fit in and spend time with friends, even striking a blossoming relationship with a popular classmate.

There’s an underlying tension of racism and bullying bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to explode at any moment, with Ellen wishing she could help her parents understand why she struggles with her conflicting identities, despite them having so much hope for the country they pursued to achieve the American Dream.

The book is filled with painful moments that were all too reflective of my personal experiences with racism while growing up in the Midwest such as the “lunch box moment” when Ellen worried about having lychee nuts and how her classmates would make fun of her for it, and my memories of having girls in college plaster a poster calling me a derogatory term for eating my Korean food in my own room, deeming it “stinky.”

During the COVID-19 pandemic, Asian American communities are experiencing fear and uncertainty as some are targeted and scapegoated as the reason for the pandemic because of divisive rhetoric spewed by leaders that associated disease with a race.

Meanwhile, their communities have been historically underrepresented in news coverage and thus, their stories are almost erased and invisible when it comes to racial justice. As of late, there has been a rise of hate crimes perpetrated against Asian and Asian American communities in the United States, the most recent resulted in the death of an elderly Thai man in California.

Even right here in Minnesota, we’ve covered harassment and prejudice targeting Asian Americans in the state because of COVID-19 stemming from racism and xenophobia.

Its painful reckonings with racial prejudice, microaggressions from trusted adults, and blatant physical acts of violence, brought back painful memories that made it hard to read at times, but it’s an essential read and necessary discomfort.

Stories like “Finding My Voice” give powerful, sobering truths about communities that feel isolated and invisible, wondering if anyone would care enough to pay attention and to stand up for them like for so many others in places where they risk losing their identities for the sake of survival.

Despite myself hating the word “relevancy,” it’s exactly why this book resonates with even the newest generation of readers. We need to use our voices when there are so many who are unable.