1.  Trump Aide Quits Just Hours After Report on Lobbying Ethics

 SWAMPED 

Chris Cox, Trump’s top legislative affairs liaison to the House, was allegedly collecting political intelligence for lobbyist friends.

2.  White House Advisers ‘Sick’ of Trump’s ‘Woe Is Me’ Attitude

  ‘SNAP OUT OF IT’ 

Trumpists want to inject some energy back into its campaign, but it’s just not coming.

3.  I’ll Wear These Sweatpants Even When I Can Leave the House

 HANGING OUT 

They are super soft, come in a variety of colors, and lightweight enough to wear no matter the weather.

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4.  Sleeping Giants Leader Apologizes After Co-Founder Quits

 ‘MOVEMENTS ARE MESSY’ 

After co-founder Nandini Jammi announced her departure in a scathing letter that said Matt Rivitz “gaslighted” her “out of the movement.”

5.  Trump Postpones Ill-Advised N.H. Rally Over Tropical Storm

 STORMY SKIES AHEAD 

His campaign said a new date will be “announced soon.”

6.  L.A. Coroner: Deputy Shot Andres Guardado 5 Times in Back

 ‘HOMICIDE’ 

The coroner released the autopsy—which deemed the teen’s death a homicide—despite a security hold on the document.

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7.  Amazon Tells Employees to Delete TikTok Amid Security Fears

 NOT SECURE 

Amazon has told its 500,000 employees to delete the Chinese-owned social media platform from their phones.

8.  Trump Liked ‘Stripper’ Tweet in the Middle of the Night

 FAT THUMBS 

The tweet praised R&B star Summer Walker for the “stripper” vibe in a new track.

9.  Turkey to Convert Istanbul’s Hagia Sophia Back Into a Mosque

 HOLY MOLY 

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan on Friday ordered the Hagia Sophia museum, one of Istanbul’s most famous landmarks, to be converted into a mosque.

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10.  Bear Attacked Man Inside His Home After Unlocking Front Door

 KNOCK KNOCK 

The bear reportedly managed to operate the lever handle on the Colorado house’s front door.

11.  ‘Boogaloo’ Suspect Accused of Sexually Abusing Child

  DIGGING DEEPER 

The abuse was uncovered after Stephen Parshall was arrested for a plot to incite violence at a Black Lives Matter rally, authorities said.

12.  Phoenix Hospitals Run Out of Morgue Space as Deaths Mount

 COVID CRISIS 

Maricopa County reportedly needs refrigerated trailers for the dead.

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13.  100+ Sign Open Response to Harper’s ‘Cancel Culture’ Letter

 ‘MORE SPECIFIC’ 

“The intellectual freedom of cis white intellectuals has never been under threat en mass,” reads the letter.

14.  NYC’s Arrogant Rats Keep Attacking Diners Forced Outside

 ORDER THE RATATOUILLE? 

An Italian restaurateur called on the city to carry out a monthly extermination.

15.  Fauci: I Haven’t Briefed President Trump in Two Months

 COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN 

Fauci says he hasn’t actually even seen the president in person for about five weeks.

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