1. Trump Orders Republicans to Block Probe Into Riot He Caused

  LOOKING OUT FOR NO. 1 

The House is set to vote Wednesday on legislation that would set up a 9/11-style bipartisan commission to investigate the MAGA riot at the Capitol.

2. New York AG: Investigation Into Trump Org Now ‘Criminal’

 ‘CRIMINAL CAPACITY’ 

“We are now actively investigating the Trump Organization in a criminal capacity, along with the Manhattan DA,” the office said in a statement.

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3. This Dog Food Is Made So Well, a Human Could Eat It

 AD BY SUNDAYS 

When a veterinarian and an engineer couldn’t find the perfect food for their own dogs, they decided to make it themselves.

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4. Corpses Swell the Ganges as India Breaks Daily Death Record

 JUST HORRIFIC 

India’s official 4,529 coronavirus deaths recorded Wednesday mark the highest single-day death toll any nation has suffered throughout the pandemic.

5. Footage Reveals 4-Year-Old’s Killer Going Back for His Twin

 STUFF OF NIGHTMARES 

Security footage captured the abduction and the suspect’s return to the home two hours later, the Daily Mail reports.

6. This Chef’s Knife Is the Perfect Size for My Small Hands

 CHOP IT UP 

The hulking chef’s knives my boyfriend can easily wield were making me less than confident in my knife skills. Then, I got to try Misen’s short version.

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7. Biden Privately Told Israel to Wind Down Airstrikes: Reports

 JUST BETWEEN US 

The president is coming under increasing pressure from congressional Democrats for his reluctance to publicly rebuke Israel.

8. Video Shows Girl, 11, Fighting Off Man’s Kidnapping Attempt

 ‘NEVER GIVE UP’ 

Authorities in Florida say the suspect, who has been arrested, is believed to have a history of sexual offenses against children.

9. Grown Adult GOPers Fined After Whiny Mask Protest in House

 AEROSOL ALERT 

Three House Republicans have reportedly been fined $500 over an anti-mask protest on the House floor on Wednesday, and seven more have been warned.

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10. Danny Masterson Rape Accuser Delivers Harrowing Testimony

 UNDER OATH 

The actor, meanwhile, posts a photo of his wife dropping him off at the courthouse.

11. Arizona Audit Finds ‘Deleted’ File Trump Freaked Out About

 ‘MOOT POINT’ 

The ex-president wrongly claimed that a file subpoenaed by auditors during the Republican-controlled review of the election in Arizona had disappeared.

12. Depp Wants Court to Make ACLU Show How Much His Ex Donated

 STILL AT IT 

He claims she lied about splitting her $7M divorce settlement between charities.

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13. Gun-Waving St. Louis Lawyer McCloskey Now Running for Senate

 15 MORE MINUTES 

“God came knocking on my door last summer disguised as an angry mob, and it really did wake me up,” McCloskey told Tucker Carlson on Tuesday.

14. CO Hubby Charged in Wife’s Murder Tried to Sway FBI: Docs

 MORE CHARGES 

Barry Lee Morphew is accused of murdering his wife last May—and then attempting to influence at least eight public servants afterwards.

15. Juror in Durst Murder Trial Bounced for Reading About Case

 GOODBYE 

As the panelist was removed, the frail-looking defendant returned to the courtroom after refusing to show the previous day.

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