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Trump Rants in Near-Empty White House: I’ll ‘Never’ Concede

By Asawin Suebsaeng

While the president rages at his second impeachment, his staff has lost the will to fight.

‘Rush the Police, Hog Tie Them’: Far Right’s Zip-Tie Fetish

By Adam Rawnsley, Kelly Weill

“The zip-tie discourse started with people who wanted to arrest their political enemies in the streets and evolved into what we saw on the 6th,” one close observer notes.

These Traitorous Traitors Must Be Expelled From the House

By Molly Jong-Fast

There are a lot of good members of Congress. A few great ones. A bunch of dumb ones. And then there are the traitors. What in God’s name are they doing there?

When all hell breaks loose, we keep a grip on reality.

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The State Where ‘Connections’ Are King in Vaccine Hunt

By Olivia Messer

The vaccine process has been a disaster nationally, but some rollouts have gone worse than others.

Not Even a Hollywood Heist Can Make the Pandemic Fun

By Kevin Fallon

We’re desperate for content about the pandemic that is not only about the pandemic, but something more creative. That should’ve been “Locked Down.” What a bummer that it’s not.

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The Bizarre Story of NY’s Fake Donald J. Trump State Park

By Jay Michaelson

Gigantic signs advertise his non-existent state park in upstate New York. It’s time to take them down.

Samurai Sword-Packing MAGA Nuts Busted in Capitol Riot: Docs

By Kelly Weill

The fringe duo appear to have promptly rejoined their Virginia-based political clique after getting out on bail over the most dangerous alleged threat to the 2020 vote count.

The Incredible Shrinking Liquor Bottle

By Wayne Curtis

Distillers in the U.S. can now use the smaller 700ml bottle that is standard in most parts of the world. So, what does that mean for consumers in America?

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1. Trump ‘Was Stopped From Going to House to Defend Himself’

WE’LL DO IT LIVE

According to The New York Times, the president had to be talked down from heading to the House floor to defend himself against the charges in person.

2. Trump Wanted to Join Parler Under ‘Person X’ Pseudonym: CEO

BETTER THAN Q

CEO John Matze claims that Amazon Web Services was aware of Trump’s plans, so it abandoned Parler to prevent him from gaining a new platform.

3. Brownie-Flavored Protein Bars? Yes, They’re a Thing

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Myprotein’s bars fuel your daily routine without compromising on taste.

4. FBI Warns Police Chiefs: Be Ready for Inauguration Violence

BRACE YOURSELVES

Christopher Wray urged thousands of police chiefs to protect state capitols, federal buildings, and the homes of state lawmakers and other officials.

5. Eccentric Ex-Trump Doc Who Declared Him Mega-Fit Dies at 73

‘HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL EVER’

Harold Bornstein worked as Trump’s personal physician for 47 years—from 1980 to 2017—but was fired after he confirmed that the president takes hair-growth pills.

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