1.  Trump Threatens WaPo for Report on His Org Bilking Taxpayers

 SECRET SPENDING 

The Washington Post revealed how Trump’s hotels milked the Secret Service for cash and The White House is none too happy about it coming to light.

2.  Cop Who Shot Man Outside W.H. Mistook Comb for Weapon: Docs

  AWFUL 

Myron Berryman was shot outside the White House, prompting the Secret Service to whisk President Trump out of a televised coronavirus briefing.

3.  If You Need Instant Gratification, This Facial Is It

 AD BY HANACURE 

Hanacure’s All-in-One Facial may have broken the internet, but it will save your skin.

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4.  Soccer Team Owner’s Feelings Hurt By Players’ Protest Strike

 BOO-FRIGGING-HOO 

“It’s like someone stabbed you and then you’re trying to figure out a way to pull the knife out and move forward.” Yep, he really said that.

5.  Mike Pence’s RNC Ratings Down Big From Kamala Harris at DNC

 NO CONTEST 

The RNC continued to trend much lower than the DNC on night three with the veep headlining.

6.  This Weighted Blanket Makes Staying Indoors Easy

 WEIGHT, WEIGHT, DON’T TELL ME 

Don’t stress out about losing sleep. Hang out under one of these, instead.

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7.  CDC Director Walks Back COVID Testing Guidelines Amid Outcry

 SO, ABOUT THAT... 

An official told The New York Times that Robert Redfield made the statement “to clarify the new policy.”

8.  Biden Dismisses Pelosi’s Calls to Cancel Debates With Trump

 ‘I WILL DEBATE HIM’ 

The former vice president told MSNBC that he plans to be a “fact-checker on the floor.”

9.  NBA Players Agree to Resume Playoffs After Talks: Report

 PUSHING AHEAD 

While games were not expected to go ahead as scheduled Thursday, early indications suggested they might be back on by sometime this weekend.

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10.  National Guard From 3 States Deployed to Kenosha

 EXTRA HELP 

Troops from Arizona, Michigan, and Alabama will arrive in Wisconsin on Thursday amid ongoing protests over the shooting of Jacob Blake.

11.  Louisiana Chemical Plant on Fire After Brush With Hurricane

  OH NO 

Multiple nearby cities blasted out emergency warnings as the storm that slammed into the coast began to wreak next-level chaos.

12.  Confederate Statue Targeted by Protests Downed by Hurricane

 THAT SETTLES THAT 

Following a decision by officials to keep a Confederate statue up in Louisiana, Hurricane Laura had different plans.

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13.  VIDEO: Trump Says He Bullied BBB Into Better Trump U Rating

 GOTCHA 

A deposition camera captured the then-candidate bragging about doing something to the Better Business Bureau to help his sketchy unaccredited university.

14.  Kushner Takes Bold Swipe at NBA Players for Their Privilege

 PICK YOUR BATTLES 

The president’s son-in-law said the players find themselves in a “very fortunate” position.

15.  Kremlin to Probe Alleged Kremlin Poisoning of Alexei Navalny

 ON THE CASE 

The Russian opposition leader’s allies say he suffered a state-ordered poisoning.

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