Unrequited Love

Dear John,

“Wilt Thou come, wilt Thou come?
Just for once, come to me?
Will my days fly away without seeing Thee, my Lord?
Night and day, night and day,
I look for Thee night and day.”

These words from the chant “Door of My Heart,” like so many others Master has given us, are filled with yearning for a divine response. For most of us, it seems that our pleas go forever unheard, and that we must continue waiting for our love for God to be requited.

Recently I read an interview with Yoganandaji that gave me a deeper understanding of what is happening in this seemingly one-sided love story. The interviewer said to Master, “You have a good and devoted following. Have you had to make an effort to create it?”

Master replied, “Does a magnet make an effort to draw the iron? There is a natural affinity between the iron and the power of the magnet.” He concluded, “Through earnest spiritual longing the disciple seeks the guru—one who can lead him to God. And the true guru, when he intuitively knows a disciple sent by God, makes an effort to draw him, and goes out of his way to help him.”

This response filled my heart with joy, because it brought home to me once again that the love of the disciple for the guru or God is not at all one-sided, but reciprocal. The power of divine attraction can only exist if it flows in both directions: from the disciple to the guru, but even more importantly, from the guru to the disciple.

In this regard, the beautiful story came to mind from Autobiography of a Yogi in which Master meets his guru, Sri Yukteswar, for the first time. The young Mukunda was on an errand for the Benares ashram where he was staying, when he was led to an inconspicuous lane. “A Christlike man,” he wrote, “in the ocher robes of a swami stood motionless at the end of the road. Instantly and anciently familiar he seemed.”

But Mukunda is assailed by doubts and continues on his way. As he does so, his feet become numb, and he realizes that the saint is magnetically drawing him. Retracing his steps, he kneels ardently at his guru’s feet.

“O my own, you have come to me!” Sri Yukteswar says again and again in Bengali, his voice tremulous with joy. “How many years I have waited for you!”

With our limited perception, we are only aware of our unrequited love for God. We remain oblivious to the fact that the Divine Friend has long been calling to us: “How many years I have waited for you!”

How do we open ourselves to the reality that God’s love is with us right now, and in truth has always been there? In chanting, prayer, and meditation, when you feel your devotion reaching out to God, remember that it is His love for you that is drawing the yearning from your heart. This love does not originate with you. It is the Divine reaching out to a beloved child, calling you home.

Try to feel that moment of great fulfillment which Yogananda described in another of his chants, of “heart to heart meeting, Spirit and soul’s greeting.”

This is the end of all of our searching and striving: when we know that our love for God has never been unrequited, but has always been received by Him, and returned many times over.

With a joyful heart,

Nayaswami Devi