| Dear John, As the clock struck 3 pm on Wednesday and people joined the “Exploring the Wisdom Years” Zoom gathering, I breathed a sigh of relief at my decision to book a room for 500 instead of 300. We had just enough space, and despite being a large virtual group, it felt like a community of like-minded friends sharing meaningful thoughts about aging well. This morning, as I cleaned up hairballs, unclogged a toilet, and shoveled heavy, wet snow to make space for birdseed (yup, I live quite a glamorous life 😀), I thought about the variety of topics that showed up in the chat notes. Topics like finding time for self-care while caring for an aging parent or sick family member. Feeling resentful and frustrated at how the life you thought you’d live in your retirement years seems hijacked by the unexpected needs of others. Facing paralyzing grief from losing loved ones. Medical anxiety that rears its ugly head as the need for care increases. Or the conflicting feelings that come with shifting identities, mortality, financial pressure, and partners with different retirement expectations. Is there one solution I could offer to support all of these issues? I wondered to myself as I puttered around the house this morning. Immediately, the answer came to mind: local community building. Friendships have been an unexpected blessing in my wisdom years. When I decided to cut back on work and travel, I felt lonely for close friends who lived nearby. Most of my pals lived in other parts of the world and I missed our regular in-person contact. I longed for people to hang out with, go to the movies, grab breakfast, or walk and talk with on a regular basis. But I felt shy about meeting new people, made complicated by having lived a somewhat public life. I also felt embarrassed. I told myself that it was silly to think I could make new, meaningful friendships at this stage of life. (Fear is sneaky and convincing, isn’t it?) Everything changed the year I chose to do the opposite of what I had been doing. Rather than stay home and wallow in my self-induced misery, I got my butt out of the house. I forced myself to join a small gym dedicated to community-focused group classes. I showed up at least three times a week (in the beginning, I had to force myself out of the car and into the building), and I made a point to talk to people. This was easier than expected because the members were warm and friendly. In a couple of months, I met a woman named Beth who invited me for tea one afternoon and it gave us a chance to discover that we had a lot in common. We’ve been close friends ever since. The realization that I needed to step out of my comfort zone, do things that didn’t feel great at first, and engage in activities that required me to show up regularly at places where I’d see the same people repeatedly changed everything. I learned that you can form intimate friendships at any age when you challenge your fears. To that end, I’m hosting another Zoom gathering this Wednesday (2/19) at 3 pm ET (12 noon PT/8 pm GMT) to talk about friendship – making new ones, strengthening existing ones, and being a good friend. Some of my girlfriends will join the discussion, too. You'll get an invitation automatically if you’re already on the Zoom list. If not, you can register here. (I’ll record the new gathering, too.) You can also listen to last week’s Zoom discussion, find the resources, and read the chat notes here. Thank you for joining me. I look forward to seeing you again this week! Love,
Cheryl
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