1.  Weinstein Appeals, Says Witnesses Made Him Look ‘Loathsome’

 ‘WOEFULLY NEGLECTED’ 

“With a year behind us and emotions subsided, the transcript of the case confirms what we always believed: that Mr. Weinstein did not receive a fair trial,” his lawyer said.

2.  Ron Watkins Slips Up, Suggests He Is Q, in HBO QAnon Doc

  WHO ME? 

Watkins is the owner of the image board site 8kun, on which the elusive cult leader exclusively posts.

3.  Your Dog Loves Bacon. You Love a Calm Dog. This Covers Both.

 AD BY PET RELEAF 

Pet Releaf’s new peppered bacon-flavored CBD-infused edibites are going to be a hit with your dog.

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4.  Texas Guv Backs Out of First Pitch Over MLB’s All-Star Move

 BALK 

“It is shameful that America’s pastime is being influenced by partisan politics,” the Republican governor whined in a Monday statement.

5.  Rubio to MLB Commish: Will You Give Up Augusta Membership?

 ‘PERSONAL SACRIFICE’ 

The troll came after Major League Baseball said it would relocate its midseason All Star game over Georgia’s new election law.

6.  These Hemp Face Masks Fit Everyone in My Family

 COVER UP 

United by Blue makes face masks that are so soft they remain comfortable for hours, and that same softness lets their one-size mask conform to all sorts of faces.

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7.  Lena Dunham to Launch Plus-Size Clothing Line

 RIGHT FIT 

The actress has teamed up with retail site 11 Honoré. Despite becoming a plus-size designer, Dunham said she has “complicated” feelings surrounding the “body positive movement.”

8.  DMX’s Kids Fly to New York to Visit Him in the ICU: Report

 GRIM 

The rapper’s condition hasn’t improved, TMZ found.

9.  Ex-Southwest Pilot Exposed Himself During Flight: Feds

 OBSCENE SKIES 

Michael Haak was the pilot in command when he exposed his genitals on a mid-August flight, the feds said.

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10.  Hundreds of Hikers Evacuated as Icelandic Volcano Spews Lava

 HOT DAMN 

The volcano in southwest Iceland began erupting again on March 20, drawing tourists from nearby Reykjavík.

11.  Navy Fires Commander Over ‘Loss of Confidence’

  OUT TO SEA 

The Navy announced Monday it has let go of Rear Admiral Trent DeMoss, the commander of Fleet Readiness Centers.

12.  Everyone in England to Get Two Free COVID Tests Per Week

 TESTING TIMES 

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is also set to announce vaccine passports.

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13.  Tropical Cyclone Leaves 76 Dead, Thousands Displaced in Asia

 TORRENTIAL TERROR 

The massive storm struck Indonesia and East Timor on Sunday, displacing thousands of people escaping from mudslides and flooding.

14.  Irish Moms Challenge Quarantine Laws After ‘Boob Job’ Trip

 ‘ESSENTIAL’ TRAVEL 

The Dublin women were jailed after they refused to enter a government-mandated hotel quarantine when they returned from Dubai.

15.  Lou Gehrig’s 1938 Yankees Bat Sells at Auction for $715,120

 HOME RUN 

The 34-inch, 36-ounce Bill Dickey model Louisville Slugger bat was used by Gehrig during his final full season with the Yankees.

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