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Dear John,
What questions do you ask when faced with adversity?
Do you look to immediately take corrective action or do you seek to assess blame?
Is it your mission to prevent future incidents or do you obsess over what went wrong?
Your answers are important because they foreshadow your future.
We live in a society that seeks to assess blame. Politicians, corporate executives, and business stakeholders want to know what happened and who is to blame and they spend little time on why something happened and how to prevent it in the future.
We (as a people) are ahistoric.
We miss even the most obvious lessons from years past and this trend is getting worse. We seek to fulfill our immediate emotional needs at the expense of adequate fact-gathering, investment in relationship development, and we don't focus on long-term benefits built upon immediate restraint.
Last week I wrote an email to you and the theme was about having an open, two-way dialogue about emotional issues like politics.
In a thinly-veiled way, I disclosed that I did not vote for the current President of the United States. I revealed this as a way to highlight my point about the importance of tough conversations.
Many people responded to this email.
Some people thanked me for sharing a positive message.
Others said they needed to hear this message because they were struggling to find a way to discuss politics with friends and relatives because those conversations immediately became heated.
A number of the responses to my email were angry, condescending, and a few were downright nasty.
One person said he lost respect for me because I didn't vote for Donald Trump. He wondered, in his lengthy email reply, how someone as smart as me could be so stupid.
I remember living in Manhattan during the days after September 11, 2001, when people came together and identified themselves only as Americans. We only cared about taking care of each other, sticking together, and providing support and comfort for those traumatized by actions designed to create fear.
Seventeen years later, some of us cannot stand to be in a room with relatives who voted for someone we don't like. If you are one of these people, you need to look back on history.
That type of anger is unproductive and will only lead to your demise.
Anger focused on others will make you a lonely, bitter person.
Anger focused inward leads to depression, substance abuse, and self harm.
If you are the object of this anger, you need to focus on your own mental health. Your beliefs are yours. Own them. Don't be a victim. There is a reason you believe what you do. Your current situation, background, and psychological make-up all play a role in the development of your beliefs.
When people attack you personally, they are reflecting their feelings about themselves. Ignore those attacks.
When people reason with you and make a logical case to convince you to change your beliefs, listen. Evaluate. React rationally.
Personal attacks are a sign of a weak argument. Avoid people who walk that path.
Rational discussion among people of goodwill make everyone stronger.
I have no answer for fixing the epidemic of anger and overheated emotion in politics today but I can control that dynamic within myself.
As a New York Yankee fan, if I can remain friends with people who support the Boston Red Sox, I can be friends with anyone.
My life is great and it will be great regardless of who is in the White House. I will not be a victim of politics just like I won't be a victim of the random anger of someone who replies to an email.
Of course I will fight for the things I believe, but that "fight" means working hard to make a rational case to change the minds of people of goodwill. It doesn't mean I bash you over the head with personal attacks and insults.
If you want to discover new ways to make money, build relationships, and live a great life, I'm your guy.
If you want to attack me personally, or if you cannot see past my political beliefs and recognize the value I provide, I wish you well. Feel free to unsubscribe.
You control the way you react to people. Own that.
I know I can always be better and I focus on self improvement each day.
What you do is up to you.
Have a great weekend.
Regards,
Dave Lorenzo
I value and appreciate the relationship we have.
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