Feeling your age? How would you know?

As this idea is being born, I am sitting in a dueling piano bar and I have never felt so old ever. And I don’t mean physically. I have only recognized about 1/4 of the songs being played, and everyone just seems younger than me. Even the people I think are older seem younger as I watch them seemingly sing along.

Which led me to start writing and ask the question, "Do I really feel old? Is this just not my thing? And will I actually know what old feels like?" Is it loss of energy? Will I feel super wise? 

How will I know, when I feel older?

I think we all kind of know what old looks like. When I am sorting pictures from vacations and conferences and see the changes in my face...I know I am older. Pictures really highlight the years passing, no matter what you have done, and I have gained and lost a lot of weight through the years. (This is a large part of why I am more of a building/landscape photographer!) But what is age?

I often hear from many of my friends/family as they reach different milestone birthdays. "I feel/am so old." But what does this feel like? Feeling more tired? Will I start wanting to listen to string quartets playing Brahms instead of an Elvis Costello song? Maybe I will stop watching cartoons or riding roller coasters? In this TikTok video, a person is filming themselves and their 90 year old "grandma" riding a pretty intense (if short) roller coaster! We don't know what happened after this, so maybe she needed a nap or passed out after this (there was a lot of screaming involved!), but I have known 40 year old's who weren't taking on that challenge because they were too old. Is age even actually that involved?

Part of it for me is that I spent a lot of my life in really poor physical shape. I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past 10 years and while I have had plenty of orthopedic setbacks with broken bones and metal implants, I have more strength and energy now than 15 years ago. If anything I feel somewhat younger now than 10 years ago.

But what about in technology?

When working in technology, I have rarely felt that age played a large part in how people treated me, or how I see others, at least not in a direct manner. I work with some people who are physically older but more energetic than I have ever been. I also work with younger people who have a wisdom about them that I never really had. I always figured I would have more confidence as I aged, but it hasn't changed much over the years.

Probably the one way I feel old is that I see more and more that no one seems to learn anything. We all have to make the same mistakes over and over again. I have been writing about Database Design for 25 years now. And it isn't like it is just me. There are always people basically preaching about data quality. But it feels like everyone I talk to is always in a time loop with the same basic process; every inexperienced person basically has to fail for themselves before they learn.

Failure is a great teacher, but the more you see it as the primary way a lot of people learn (or even don't learn), I guess this is what actually makes me feel old. Like I have said the same things over and over and over and no one is listening.

The reality

If my dad was still around, he would be laugh so hard at that last statement, and would utter the words that every parent says to their children eventually. "I told you so." And unlike when I was younger, this time I wouldn't take it as an insult.

Louis Davidson (@drsql)

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